


What If

by thotyong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, I dont know how to tag, Just read, M/M, additional characters in the next chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-17 19:31:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16102313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thotyong/pseuds/thotyong
Summary: What if. Those two words that made a huge impact in his life. What if he fought for what he wanted?What if he put a stop to everything? What if it never started?  What if he just said "yes"? What if he could go back in time, and take all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better? What if he could go back in time, and relive one day, one hour, one moment? He knows exactly where and when he would go and he won't hesitate. Just to be with him.





	1. Verse 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I just wanted to write for JaeYong again. Please support the comeback!

Snow still descended from the sky soaking everything in its path. Lee Taeyong looked out the window of the room, wishing that classes will be postponed. He heard murmurs echoing in the room, small whispers making a buzz in the silence of the room.

_"He's back."_

_"I heard he cut himself last week after getting in a fight."_

_"What is he doing?"_

Taeyong looked at him, taking in his appearance. The cast on his right arm, the bruises and the splits in his lip and eyebrow almost-healing into thin pink scars. The man still limped a little, but apparently that's what a torn ligament will do to you. It would heal, it was just taking its sweet time to do so.

He knew he shouldn’t care and just go on with what he was doing, staring out the window wishing the suspension of classes. Nevertheless, Taeyong took a deep breath, and made his towards him, in hopes to ease the frown upon his face. He looks utterly perturbed. He was keeping his head hang low, and was listening to the buzz going on and about in the room.

"Jaehyun," He murmured softly. Collective gasps echoed through the room. Taeyong shrugged to himself, he was the only one who had the guts to talk to this beautiful yet dangerous man. “Jaehyun?” he repeated, “Are you alright?” _Smart Taeyong. The boy was beaten black and blue and you’re going to ask him if he was alright? Real clever._

The man opposite him smiled his famous smile, dimples showing like an angel while raising an eyebrow. He felt himself blush a deep crimson. He wasn’t immune to him as he thought. Even if Jaehyun’s face is half-covered with wounds, Taeyong can't deny that he's still probably one of the most beautiful man alive.

"Who are you?" he mused, his voice soft and mellow.

"Lee Taeyong. You can call me Taeyong." He replied, all smiles, in hope that it'll ease the awkward atmosphere around the two of them. Taeyong can feel the eyes of their classmates boring holes at the back of his head at the exchange.

There was nothing between them. Taeyong was simply bored and Jaehyun walked in the room the exact moment. He knows Jaehyun, knows of him and his notorious ways. Jaehyun obviously doesn’t know Taeyong or ever heard of him. They don’t run in the same circle. Jaehyun was the university’s bad boy, popular because of his visuals but terrified of his reputation of running in the wrong crowd, drinking, smoking, fighting and even trying to end his life. Taeyong on the other hand was an average student, he has his own clique, he belongs to the dance club and that was it.

Yet there was something, something pulling Taeyong to talk to the injured boy. To be friends with him. To be closer to him. Jaehyun continued staring at Taeyong, keeping his mum. Taeyong felt the uncomfortable silence surrounding them.

"Uh.." What was he supposed to do now? Taeyong continued looking at Jaehyun who was staring back at him. Should he ask again if he was fine?

"I'm fine." Jaehyun hastily replied, growling, as if reading Taeyong’s mind. "I don't need your pity." He snarked, eyes flashing angrily.

Taeyong felt a shudder ran through his body, Jaehyun’s voice was scarily cold, "What I'm feeling right now isn't pity." was all he could muster.

"Could have fooled me."

"But-!" Before Taeyong even had the chance to finish his statement, Jaehyun silenced him with the dark look in his eyes.

"Go." Jaehyun commanded and sat down on his designated seat. He pulled out his earphones from his pocket and he's in his own world again, acting like nothing happened.

Taeyong looked at him, bewildered. Did he just got dismissed by Jaehyun? Yes, he was. He continued staring at him, taking in his whole physique. There was that something again. Something pulling him towards Jaehyun.

Jaehyun was undeniably handsome, no amount of wound or bandages can hide that. But what intrigues Taeyong the most was Jaehyun’s eyes. This isn't the first time that Taeyong thought someone’s eyes was beautiful. But this was the first time that he feel like he drowning in a person’s brown orbs. Jaehyun’s deep brown eyes. The flicker of emotion reflected in them was so... So sad. So melancholic. But instead of turning away from the sorrow, Taeyong feel like I want to uncover the secrets his eyes promises.

He wants to be the one that breaks him out if his own bubble. Taeyong paused, shaking his head. Hearing the calls of his friends, going back to his chair for a moment. Where did that came from?

"Yong!” Doyoung, Taeyong’s best friend called, "Hurry! Let's get going." he shouted. Doyoung was buzzing with excitement, couldn’t keep still and wanting to ask Taeyong what came over him and talked to the bad boy.

"One second." Taeyong replied. He looked around and saw their classmates still looking at them. Why were they making a big deal out of this? Was it really a big deal to ask someone injured if he was fine? He shrugged to himself. Taeyong sneaked a glance at the other again, "Do you want to tag along?" Loud enough for him to hear with that earphone of his.

His head snapped up to look at me. Confusion visible on his face. Was his question that outrageous? Or maybe this is the first time somebody invited him? That would be sad, Taeyong thought. Come to think of it, in his three years in the university, not once has he seen Jaehyun at the company of friends in school. He was always alone.

He snapped back to reality when Taeyong heard Jaehyun’s answer, cold and clipped, "I said I don't need your pity." he bit out darkly, dangerous enough for Taeyong to back away.

"I.." It's no use he realized. At that realization Taeyong turned away from him about to make my way towards his friends who were waiting for him.

"Thank you."

Taeyong looked back at him. There was no hint that he said those words. Seriousness etched on his bruised face. Was he imagining things? But he pretty sure that he said those. Taeyong glanced back at him one last time, and now seeing the smile tugging at the corner of his lips, dimpled cheeks showing. Taeyong smiled to himself as he turned around and went towards his friends.

Little did he know that this was the start of his fascination with him.

_With Jung Jaehyun._


	2. Verse 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Challenge accepted, Jaehyun." Lee Taeyong murmured, "Challenge accepted."

It was around the second week of December. It was snowing like every day during the Yuletide season, everybody getting presents and preparing for the big party at the end of the year. Lee Taeyong noticed him marched a different path from the others, leaving the room. Maybe he wasn't a party-goer or he wasn't in the mood to help. 

Taeyong doesn’t know what came to him but a voice inside his head urged him to follow Jaehyun outside. The cold air greeted him as he headed outside. Shivering, he looked around and saw him. He is different. Taeyong looked at him from afar. The wind was blowing his ash purple hair and somehow that made him look so vulnerable. Gone was the bruises that marred his face a few weeks ago but the same sadness was in his eyes. As Taeyong made his way towards him, he saw the other molding small figures in the snow. So unlike the aura he gives off.

"What are you doing here?" Taeyong inquired, "Shouldn't you be inside?" head turning to the direction of their university lobby.

He seemed surprised as he accidentally ruined the snow figures he was making. He glanced at me and shrugged, "Should I be?” he retorted simply.

"Oh." Was all he could say. "Can I sit here?" he asked, earning no answer from Jaehyun. Taeyong took a seat a few inches apart from him. The silence embraced the two of them, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. It felt peaceful. Almost as if this is where he should be rather than inside where tons of people are buzzling. Taeyong fixed his gaze at the sea of snow before them.

"I don't think I'd fit in." the other whispered, startling Taeyong with his sudden statement. Stealing a quick glance at him, not saying anything for fear that he might stop. "I prefer it here having a quiet time."

Taeyong smiled at him and to his surprise the taller boy returned it with a small smile. "It is peaceful here."

"Yeah." As he returned his gaze, taking his time intensely looking at the smaller, eyes fixated with each other. Lee Taeyong could feel the rosy hue covering his cheeks. Rattled by the strong feelings the younger was giving him, he quickly averted his eyes, "Jaehyun, your hands…" he whispered, noticing now that they were bluish from the cold.

The younger looked and said while breathing out cold air, "I forgot."

“Hmm?” Taeyong cocked his head to the side, looking curiously at Jaehyun.

“Gloves.” Jaehyun muttered, “At home.”

"Stupid." Taeyong mumbled under his breath.

He rubbed his hands together to create friction between them. Before he could think, the smaller held his hands between his. Jaehyun gaped at him, taken aback at the sudden action. He tried pulling away but Taeyong’s obstinacy won in their little tug-of-war. He bit back a grin.

Taeyong can feel the coldness of the other’s hands. He did everything for him to feel the warmth of his hands, holding it tighter, between his hands. 

"Thank you." he said somewhat coy, red flushing against his pale skin.

"Anytime you need a warmer, I'm at your beck and call." Taeyong jested in return. Jaehyun’s lips formed a tiny smile, dimples showing, but other than that Taeyong didn't get any other response.

After awhile, he pulled his hands free from Taeyong’s grasp and then reached for his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. Taeyong didn't know Jaehyun smoked as he watched the younger light his cigarette with ease. The smaller tried his best not to show emotions, not wanting him to think that he was judging.

Again the air became stagnant and hardened so Taeyong couldn't even breathe normally. It was like there's a thin wall separating them. It was unbearable. Taeyong wanted nothing but to reach out to Jaehyun, make him feel that he's not alone.

Taeyong initiated a conversation as Jaehyun finished his smoke with one last puff. "Why do you smoke so damn fast?" I asked.

He looked at the other and for the second time, Taeyong had a glimpse of his infamous smile. Such a wide smile on his face might have looked goofy were it not for his unimpeachably elegant brown eyes and his deep dimples. He smiled with all the delight of a kid on Christmas morning and said, "Others smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.”

Taeyong shivered, not from the coldness of the Christmas air, but because of the coldness reflected in the taller’s eyes and the icy tone of his voice. He shivered because that simple statement meant a lot. He felt goosebumps rising from his arms as he continued staring at him.

"I told you, I don't need your pity." he lashed out, misunderstanding the look in Taeyong’s eyes. He turned to stand up but Taeyong was quicker, pulling him down to sit again.  
Taeyong stared at Jaehyun, deep in the eyes, as Jaehyun did with the opposite. Taeyon held his face between my hands, cupping them.

"Listen to me Jung Jaehyun, and listen well. I. Am. Not. Pitying. You." Taeyong syllabicated each word, unable to control his voice trembling with controlled anger. "This is not pity. This is concern. There is a huge difference between that two!"

"Stop, Taeyong. Unhand me."

"No. I will not." The other said just as stubbornly, "Please, please, please and I can't stress this enough, if you're feeling sad or if you think there is no one to talk to, I'm here." Taeyong paused to breathe. "I won't judge you."

Jaehyun smiled bitterly, it was heart-wrenching just seeing it. Taeyong bit his lips, almost imagining the pain the younger was feeling. 

"I feel so worthless." he said, removing the other’s hands from his face, "I should be embarrassed for being such an empty person."

Taeyong looked at him with unshed tears. No. He takes that back, he can't even imagine where this pain is coming from. This boy, he does something to him. Every time. Every time he speaks up he steps on Taeyong’s heart. He makes Taeyong feel things he shouldn’t.

"You think you're the only one?" the smaller asked, "Everyone has scars. We just don't all wear them on the outside."

"I know." he nodded slightly, looking away, "But sometimes I wish, even if it's just make believe I want to be someone special. And now, I had my hands full trying to balance myself by pretending there was someone there for me."

"I don't know much about your past, Jaehyun." Taeyong started, my chest aching with all the emotions that he was feeling. "But this is the present, you no longer have to pretend. I'm here. I'm willing to help you."

Taeyong doesn't know where this words came from, something pushing him to say them. Like it was the right thing to do, like it was the most natural thing for him to say.

Jaehyun looked down, blowing hot air in his cold hands. Taeyong fought the urge to hold them again and warm them with his own.

"Look at me." he laughed wryly, darting me a look while gesturing at himself, "My life's a mess. I am a mess." he finished with a lifeless voice. "You say that you're there for me? Hah. I'm not even capable of loving someone right now." he added.

"I'm here, Jaehyun. I'm here for you." Taeyong said brokenly, sincerely, taking a hold of his hand.

"I will only destroy you." he warned, his syrupy brown eyes darkened, "I'll destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when I've hurt you too much, you'll leave. And maybe then, you'll finally understand why storms are named after people."

Taeyong smiled a little with his threat, "Is that a challenge, Jung Jaehyun?" he questioned, looking deep into his brown orbs. He didn't answer but I can see the answer in his eyes. It was a myriad of unspoken sorrow, wanting to be freed from the cages.

"Challenge accepted, Jaehyun." Lee Taeyong murmured, "Challenge accepted."


End file.
